I used to never really think about the future in terms of the day to day things...it was just there. Plans made were a given, I've always liked to project forward. Because, of course, I was in total control of all that happened in my life! Naive or youth...not quite sure, probably both. I see it all so differently now. I've written about this before, Bob's sudden death was an earthquake in my life. I lost my faith in even knowing or caring what the next day would bring. The "what ifs" were piled so high I couldn't see beyond them. It was paralyzing.
What brought this to mind was an article I recently read about a breast cancer survivor and an interview that I watched with Marie Osmond talking about her son's suicide. Caught completely off-guard, waking up each morning asking what next. Bob & I used to talk about the best way to go....our best way was a plane crash together...both of us at the same time. I guess that's pretty selfish but it worked for us :)
The good news is that I am slowly getting my faith back. My faith in God, life and the future. Dave has been my rock and continues to hold my hand through the journey. Without him, I don't think I would have found my way back. I can't say that my faith is fully restored...I still look for the other shoe to drop but I am making progress. And maybe the best lesson is to live in the present because, really, that's all we have.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Young Love...Mature Love...True Love
Young love....we are beautiful, untarnished, naive, hopeful and believing that all that is wrong can be made right. We can't even see the wrong, somehow we can just look past it. Wanting and willing so hard that it is made right. The "us" is invincible. Day by day life experiences chip away at our "ideal". We learn that we are each human, we have faults, flaws, crises, doubts and failures. We learn that we doubt ourselves and each other - "was this what I expected, is this the story that I had mapped out on my mind"? And from my experience, the answer is almost always NO! Then you have to ask yourself, "is that a bad no, or a good no"? And then you have to figure out, on the fly, are you emotionally equipped to handle growing up with each other because that is basically what we do - always - grow up with each other. The things come and go, the kids grow up and start their own lives, jobs, houses, life events....it all unfolds and you wonder if you can keep what drew you together, together.
Fast forward to today and mature love... we have finally either grown to or accepted (or both) each other for who we are, (no one is perfect) even embraced how each other has grown. We have to put tantrums (our own) aside and make some grown-up decisions. And isn't that all where we want to be? Isn't that what we dreamed about when we were in the thros of young love? We have the battle scars, we have experienced some of the happiest and saddest moments of our lives and know there are more to come. When we are getting along, we can look across the room, catch each others eye and know exactly what each of us is thinking. We aren't looking for our mate to have the perfect anything, nor do we and we shouldn't expect anything from our mate that we can't give back.
True love....after years together you still call your mate your best friend and soul mate. You can look back at the ups and downs and say that somehow you could and wanted to figure it out together rather than apart. When you aren't getting along, having a small turf battle, just being your difficult selves, you still look forward to being together. You still look at each other with pride, respect, admiration, interest, love and desire, but also well aware and accepting of each others humanity and flaws. You are still joined at the hip, can complete each others sentences and recognize "the look". At the end of the day you still want to be able to look across the table at each other and know that each of you made the right choice to spend your days here on earth together. And most of all, you can't wait to find out what the next day together holds!
Fast forward to today and mature love... we have finally either grown to or accepted (or both) each other for who we are, (no one is perfect) even embraced how each other has grown. We have to put tantrums (our own) aside and make some grown-up decisions. And isn't that all where we want to be? Isn't that what we dreamed about when we were in the thros of young love? We have the battle scars, we have experienced some of the happiest and saddest moments of our lives and know there are more to come. When we are getting along, we can look across the room, catch each others eye and know exactly what each of us is thinking. We aren't looking for our mate to have the perfect anything, nor do we and we shouldn't expect anything from our mate that we can't give back.
True love....after years together you still call your mate your best friend and soul mate. You can look back at the ups and downs and say that somehow you could and wanted to figure it out together rather than apart. When you aren't getting along, having a small turf battle, just being your difficult selves, you still look forward to being together. You still look at each other with pride, respect, admiration, interest, love and desire, but also well aware and accepting of each others humanity and flaws. You are still joined at the hip, can complete each others sentences and recognize "the look". At the end of the day you still want to be able to look across the table at each other and know that each of you made the right choice to spend your days here on earth together. And most of all, you can't wait to find out what the next day together holds!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Navigation, Negotiation and the Rest of the Baggage
I moved to LA in March of 2006. Newly married, new city, new home....but at 42, carrying all of my past patterns, expectations, behaviors, etc.
In my prior life the house was my sole domain. Bob didn't even see the house until we closed on it....if I was happy, then the house would be happy. So of course in my new marriage I expected no interference on decorating, furniture placement, etc. WRONG!!!!!
Two years ago we finally agreed upon re-doing the house that we were living in. My stipulation - give me a budget and don't get involved after that. As hard as it was for Dave and as many times as I had to tell him to back off, the result was great! And, many times he walks in the door and says how great it looks.
Fast forward to today.....Dave and I have just completed a 4 year negotiation on turning a lower level bedroom into an office for me. I actually had to have a melt down like a 3 year old (and say some unpleasant things) to get to this point. I've always had my "woman cave". I need my space and he has his office...what am I, chopped liver!!!!! He had put his parents old bedroom furniture in the room. It was not antique, just old. But the thought of parting with a tangible thing of his parents was hard. The process of me having to "ask permission" to do something in my home was hard. But here we are....old furniture is gone, new furniture and art work has been ordered...the wheels are in motion.
What's the point of all this? Two hard headed control freaks can happily co-exist, and even enjoy it! We all bring past experiences, habits, expectations and needs to our today. Hopefully we never stop learning how to adapt those to our today!
In my prior life the house was my sole domain. Bob didn't even see the house until we closed on it....if I was happy, then the house would be happy. So of course in my new marriage I expected no interference on decorating, furniture placement, etc. WRONG!!!!!
Two years ago we finally agreed upon re-doing the house that we were living in. My stipulation - give me a budget and don't get involved after that. As hard as it was for Dave and as many times as I had to tell him to back off, the result was great! And, many times he walks in the door and says how great it looks.
Fast forward to today.....Dave and I have just completed a 4 year negotiation on turning a lower level bedroom into an office for me. I actually had to have a melt down like a 3 year old (and say some unpleasant things) to get to this point. I've always had my "woman cave". I need my space and he has his office...what am I, chopped liver!!!!! He had put his parents old bedroom furniture in the room. It was not antique, just old. But the thought of parting with a tangible thing of his parents was hard. The process of me having to "ask permission" to do something in my home was hard. But here we are....old furniture is gone, new furniture and art work has been ordered...the wheels are in motion.
What's the point of all this? Two hard headed control freaks can happily co-exist, and even enjoy it! We all bring past experiences, habits, expectations and needs to our today. Hopefully we never stop learning how to adapt those to our today!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Peace, Love and Understanding
A few months ago I was cleaning out a dresser drawer and found my first husband's marathon medals. It made me realize that one day, hopefully in the distant future, someone will be cleaning out my things and probably tossing stuff that was very meaningful to me but clearly not to whomever has the task.
Three of Bob's 4 children participate in running and triathlon events. It seemed only fitting that I should send the medals on to them. So after some thought, I decided which ones should go to each. I explained that even though these items were very precious me and brought back a lot of memories of the various races and all of the training leading up to the races, it was time to pass the medals on to them and their families. Each of them have races coming up and have promised to wear them in his honor.
As often happens when a death occurs, feelings of anger, blame, guilt, resentment, etc. can surface and drive a wedge between people. Sometimes that wedge can last a lifetime and damage other relationships. It does seem that this gesture of sharing something of their father's has brought about a bit of reconciliation. I do hope so. As Robbie said, "All dad would have wanted was for us to love and respect each other, and drink together - LOL!". I not only believe that is true, I know it is true.
Three of Bob's 4 children participate in running and triathlon events. It seemed only fitting that I should send the medals on to them. So after some thought, I decided which ones should go to each. I explained that even though these items were very precious me and brought back a lot of memories of the various races and all of the training leading up to the races, it was time to pass the medals on to them and their families. Each of them have races coming up and have promised to wear them in his honor.
As often happens when a death occurs, feelings of anger, blame, guilt, resentment, etc. can surface and drive a wedge between people. Sometimes that wedge can last a lifetime and damage other relationships. It does seem that this gesture of sharing something of their father's has brought about a bit of reconciliation. I do hope so. As Robbie said, "All dad would have wanted was for us to love and respect each other, and drink together - LOL!". I not only believe that is true, I know it is true.
Catching Up
I have been delinquent in my posts...not what I wanted to do but what can I say, life happens, we get busy, we go through periods where we lack inspiration. Hopefully I can set aside time a few times a week dedicated to writing.
My intent on summer vacation was to spend siesta time writing while Dave napped. After a few days of watching Dave nap I decided that napping after a late lunch and glass of wine looked pretty darn good! How else could I manage to go out at 9pm, not eat dinner until 10pm and not make it to bed until 1am without a nap!! The Europeans have it figured out! So, writing went out the window and napping took it's rightful place in my day.
I'm not going to try and go back and post about each stop. What I will say was that the trip was fantastic, not only for the experiences and sites in a new country but also because of the friends we traveled with and the new friends we made along the way. We already have next year's trip planned with our friends. Can't wait!
My intent on summer vacation was to spend siesta time writing while Dave napped. After a few days of watching Dave nap I decided that napping after a late lunch and glass of wine looked pretty darn good! How else could I manage to go out at 9pm, not eat dinner until 10pm and not make it to bed until 1am without a nap!! The Europeans have it figured out! So, writing went out the window and napping took it's rightful place in my day.
I'm not going to try and go back and post about each stop. What I will say was that the trip was fantastic, not only for the experiences and sites in a new country but also because of the friends we traveled with and the new friends we made along the way. We already have next year's trip planned with our friends. Can't wait!
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| Chapel of the Bones in Evora |
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| Sir Charles & his Angels in Marbella |
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| Good friends, good wine, good times |
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| Carriage ride in Seville with Gene & Kathy |
Friday, July 16, 2010
A Night at the Fado
Portugal has a few national past-times – eating grilled sardines (nothing like we have in the US), soccer and Fado.
The Portuguese people love misery. The more people gathered together in misery, the better! And what better way to express it than through music.
Fado is usually a melancholy series of songs about unrequited love, longing and unfulfilled dreams. There are many fado houses in Lisbon but we were able to visit (as a group) a true local, inexpensive fado house in the very old working class district of Alfama. This place was NOT fancy – think roadside diner minus 2. But is authentic. The sardines were being grilled on a round charcoal grill outside in the small cobblestone street when we arrived. The smell was aweful!!! I couldn’t imagine eating those fish! We were shown into a small, cramped room with tables jammed together, the room was lit by dim lights covered with red cloths and I couldn’t imagine where musicians and performers would stand! The party started – the wine flowed, everyone was having a great time! Local olives, cheese and bread covered the table and then the sardines arrived!!! The moment of truth was at hand! And….they were fabulous!!! Gone was the fishy smell, instead they had a wonderful smoked smell and mild taste. I expertly boned both of mine and thoroughly enjoyed them.
Just as we finished the fish and before the next 2 courses the fado music started. Two guitar players brought their chairs out and placed them in the center and began playing. The music was beautiful and haunting at the same time, almost too beautiful to be sad. As the family style portions of pork, chicken and salad were passed around the tables the singers, one at a time, began. Although we could not understand most of the words, a word here and there helped us understand the meaning of the songs – love not returned, sadness, dreams lost or not obtained. It was something I don’t think you would see anywhere else. Pure, simple and expressive of the Portuguese culture. The singers were incredible! We left late into the evening, our stomachs and souls satisfied.
Tomorrow we leave Lisbon for Evora.
The Portuguese people love misery. The more people gathered together in misery, the better! And what better way to express it than through music.
Fado is usually a melancholy series of songs about unrequited love, longing and unfulfilled dreams. There are many fado houses in Lisbon but we were able to visit (as a group) a true local, inexpensive fado house in the very old working class district of Alfama. This place was NOT fancy – think roadside diner minus 2. But is authentic. The sardines were being grilled on a round charcoal grill outside in the small cobblestone street when we arrived. The smell was aweful!!! I couldn’t imagine eating those fish! We were shown into a small, cramped room with tables jammed together, the room was lit by dim lights covered with red cloths and I couldn’t imagine where musicians and performers would stand! The party started – the wine flowed, everyone was having a great time! Local olives, cheese and bread covered the table and then the sardines arrived!!! The moment of truth was at hand! And….they were fabulous!!! Gone was the fishy smell, instead they had a wonderful smoked smell and mild taste. I expertly boned both of mine and thoroughly enjoyed them.
Tomorrow we leave Lisbon for Evora.
Sintra and Cascasi (“Kashkai”)
We left the urban sprawl of Lisbon on Saturday morning for the towns of Sintra and Cascasi. Both towns were used by the Portuguese royalty and wealthy during the summer to escape the heat of Lisbon. Sintra is located in the mountains. It is a breathtaking village that has a perfect Mediterranean climate - cool and sunny with a nice breeze. The views are spectacular! And the architecture expresses both the Moorish and Spanish influences. We visited a 14th century palace in Sintra. The walls were tiled in beautiful colors and patterns and many were tiled in the blue and white style and depicted life during that time. The intricacy of the handwork was amazing! One of the most interesting things in this particular palace were the ceilings in various rooms. One room has a ceiling painted with 27 birds to celebrate the marriage of the king’s daughter at age 27 – very old for that time. Another was painted with 136 magpies depicting the queen’s 136 ladies in waiting – magpies representing old gossips. Another was painted with several different types of ships – the Portuguese were great sailors and explorers and finally one was painted with the heads of big game, depictions of the important lords and their coat of arms. The palaces in Portugal are no where near as elaborate as some of those we’ve visited in Great Britain and Scandinavia but beautiful in their own right.
We left Sintra for Cascasi – a visit I was looking forward to! Cascais is about 30 minutes from Sintra and is on the Atlantic Ocean. Cascasi is considered a fishing village but is, in addition, a resort town with shopping and restaurants. The drive in was stunning! Bright blue sky blended with bright blue ocean all lit up by a perfect sunny day! It’s the kind of place that just feels good! A few of us decided to stay behind and have lunch. We found a beautiful outdoor café and had a great lunch of local rose, garlic shrimp, salad and bread. After a walk we made our way to the train station, fumbled around buying tickets ($1 euro bought us some help from a local teenager) and made our way back to Lisbon to enjoy a night of local culture. Oh, and for those of you who know us…we did buy a bottle of Port for the remainder of the trip! Our favorite after dinner drink. The hotel charged an outrageous $25 euro for 2 drinks!!
So far we seem to only have one a**hole in the group. The guy is a short little loudmouth who thinks he knows more than he does. The worst part being his constant comments about how bored he is and his sarcastic, demeaning comments to his wife. She just seems to be able to put up with it. Other than that it’s a really fun group and we’re enjoying traveling with the people we met from Great Britain last year.
We left Sintra for Cascasi – a visit I was looking forward to! Cascais is about 30 minutes from Sintra and is on the Atlantic Ocean. Cascasi is considered a fishing village but is, in addition, a resort town with shopping and restaurants. The drive in was stunning! Bright blue sky blended with bright blue ocean all lit up by a perfect sunny day! It’s the kind of place that just feels good! A few of us decided to stay behind and have lunch. We found a beautiful outdoor café and had a great lunch of local rose, garlic shrimp, salad and bread. After a walk we made our way to the train station, fumbled around buying tickets ($1 euro bought us some help from a local teenager) and made our way back to Lisbon to enjoy a night of local culture. Oh, and for those of you who know us…we did buy a bottle of Port for the remainder of the trip! Our favorite after dinner drink. The hotel charged an outrageous $25 euro for 2 drinks!!
So far we seem to only have one a**hole in the group. The guy is a short little loudmouth who thinks he knows more than he does. The worst part being his constant comments about how bored he is and his sarcastic, demeaning comments to his wife. She just seems to be able to put up with it. Other than that it’s a really fun group and we’re enjoying traveling with the people we met from Great Britain last year.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Lisbon
Lisbon is a city built on 7 hills. It was almost completely destroyed in the 1774 earthquake and subsequent tsunami but has been rebuilt. It’s like most large European cities – busy, noisy, traffic, etc. One key difference – it’s not laid out on a grid making getting around by yourself next to impossible. And the street names are on the sides of the buildings and very hard to read. So far Lisbon proper is probably my least favorite city that I have visited in Europe. The people are extremely nice but the many of the buildings downtown are dirty, rundown and covered in grafetti. Portuguese is hard for me to catch onto. I can make out many of the words when I see them but I do better with reading Spanish and French. Nonetheless , we’re getting by. We’re staying at the Four Seasons and it is a beautiful hotel. We woke refreshed , went down and had a fabulous breakfast – the kind I like with fruit, meat, cheese and smoked salmon, Dave had his eggs and bacon. The only thing missing was the champagne (LOL) and got ready to begin the tour at 2pm.
We met up with the people we had travelled with last year and began the 3 hour city tour. The parks are beautiful but missing flowers, of course it’s Europe so there had to be a couple of churches and monuments. I can’t put my finger on it but there seems to be something missing here that we found magical about other European cities. But all in all, no complaints. Portugal does have an interesting history. There’s a lot of Morrish influence. I keep forgetting how close to North Africa it is. We had the opening night cocktail party and dinner – always fun to find out where everyone is from. The group is a bit younger than those on the last 2 trips we have taken and seem to be getting to know each other quicker.
Tomorrow Sintra and Cascasi. I’m looking forward to Cascasi – it’s on the ocean and considered to be the Portuguese Riveria!
We met up with the people we had travelled with last year and began the 3 hour city tour. The parks are beautiful but missing flowers, of course it’s Europe so there had to be a couple of churches and monuments. I can’t put my finger on it but there seems to be something missing here that we found magical about other European cities. But all in all, no complaints. Portugal does have an interesting history. There’s a lot of Morrish influence. I keep forgetting how close to North Africa it is. We had the opening night cocktail party and dinner – always fun to find out where everyone is from. The group is a bit younger than those on the last 2 trips we have taken and seem to be getting to know each other quicker.
Tomorrow Sintra and Cascasi. I’m looking forward to Cascasi – it’s on the ocean and considered to be the Portuguese Riveria!
We're off to Portugal and Spain! con't
I had considered taking an Ambien but thought I had better to be alert in case we nose dived into the Atlantic. Of course Anne’s advice was “take it, you’ll sleep through the whole disaster”! Thanks! Next came the passenger altercation. The guy across the aisle from Dave had a bad attitude from the start. Seated behind him was a rather large handicapped woman. Apparently he was not able to put his seat back due to her size and he became rather irritated as the night wore on. Next thing I know a very stern flight attendant is trying to get him to take his seat, he refuses, she asks the woman to swap seats with him, she refuses at first and so it goes on for a few minutes. He insisted that he must sleep and needed a different seat, she was in tears. It was 3am! I was exhausted! But of course I’m glued to the whole drama. Finally she relents. I keep looking back to see if the guy really is sleeping – he’s not.
We touch down in Frankfurt. I am avoiding mirrors at all costs. Especially the ones on the plane with the florescent (think dressing rooms) lights. No amount of makeup could make me look better at this point. We had a 3 hour layover to make sure that luggage was transferred and we could grab a bite to eat. WRONG again. After going through another set of checkpoints (btw, no removing of shoes, plastic bags w/ liquids and no long lines) and immigration we stroll down to our gate looking for real food. Afterall, we are in a major International airport. NO SUCH LUCK! What do we find – another snack bar next to the gate. And this was the only option (or Chex Mix). However, being in Germany, they did have good beer. So, that became our carbo loading lunch. Somehow I could not jack myself up for a hotdog and potato salad. So beer it was - it never tasted so good. We get to the boarding area and what do we find, not 1 but2 screaming toddlers! Holy crap, it’s a 3 hour flight! They SCREAMED the whole 3 hours! I had my head on the tray table. The one consolation – the guy in the seat next to me was gorgeous! And probably 23-25. Vanity kicks in for a brief moment until the harsh florescent light of reality comes on. One, I could be his mother; 2, I look like death warmed over and probably smelled that way too! Oh well….I am happily married but we all want to feel attractive. He probably would have called me “ma’am” if we had spoken. Two hours after landing we arrive at the hotel, bags in tow, take a quick nap and head out to dinner. We found a beautiful little outdoor restaurant near the hotel but the menu is in Portuguese. I talked Dave into trying it - we can get Italian anywhere. It turned out to be some of the best food and wine we have had and cheap! We toddled back to our hotel and 29 hours after we started we popped an Ambien and slept like babies for 11 hours. Let the adventure begin!
We touch down in Frankfurt. I am avoiding mirrors at all costs. Especially the ones on the plane with the florescent (think dressing rooms) lights. No amount of makeup could make me look better at this point. We had a 3 hour layover to make sure that luggage was transferred and we could grab a bite to eat. WRONG again. After going through another set of checkpoints (btw, no removing of shoes, plastic bags w/ liquids and no long lines) and immigration we stroll down to our gate looking for real food. Afterall, we are in a major International airport. NO SUCH LUCK! What do we find – another snack bar next to the gate. And this was the only option (or Chex Mix). However, being in Germany, they did have good beer. So, that became our carbo loading lunch. Somehow I could not jack myself up for a hotdog and potato salad. So beer it was - it never tasted so good. We get to the boarding area and what do we find, not 1 but2 screaming toddlers! Holy crap, it’s a 3 hour flight! They SCREAMED the whole 3 hours! I had my head on the tray table. The one consolation – the guy in the seat next to me was gorgeous! And probably 23-25. Vanity kicks in for a brief moment until the harsh florescent light of reality comes on. One, I could be his mother; 2, I look like death warmed over and probably smelled that way too! Oh well….I am happily married but we all want to feel attractive. He probably would have called me “ma’am” if we had spoken. Two hours after landing we arrive at the hotel, bags in tow, take a quick nap and head out to dinner. We found a beautiful little outdoor restaurant near the hotel but the menu is in Portuguese. I talked Dave into trying it - we can get Italian anywhere. It turned out to be some of the best food and wine we have had and cheap! We toddled back to our hotel and 29 hours after we started we popped an Ambien and slept like babies for 11 hours. Let the adventure begin!
We're off to Portugal and Spain!
Once a year we try to take a “big” vacation. This year it’s Portugal and Spain!
We got up early the day of the trip - Dave had to make the rounds at the office and drop the car off. We both wanted to be at the very unpredictable LAX early to check luggage, get through security and have a bite of lunch. Lo and behold we are on the airside of the terminal in an hour! A miracle at International. Next stop – find food and drink. We start the journey to our gate knowing that there would be plenty of options, afterall, domestic terminals are full of restaurants airside and knowing how long some of the International flight layovers can be, we were sure there would be options. WRONG!!!! There was only one “snack bar” – and I use that term loosely. But, it was that or a bag of Chex Mix in my purse. So, $50 later (seriously) we had consumed one halfway decent ham sandwich, one bad chef salad and a glass of wine each. I kid you not! We were raped! But we had something in our stomach. Next stop – it’s time to fly. I booked us on Lufthansa because the price was right and we could fly directly to Frankfurt, then on to Lisbon, avoiding changing planes at JFK or Newark. I found out after I booked the tickets that the fare class was not upgradeable due to the low cost. No big deal – we’ve flown coach to Europe before. So we boarded, passed through Business class, me looking longingly at the big seats that would fold back into recliners for the night’s rest. We got to our seats and big surprise – the seats and leg room were so minimal that even I was thinking “oh shit, 10 hours….”. I thought Dave was going to cry but he’s a real trooper. That is until we took off and the rather large woman in front of Dave suddenly reclined her seat all the way back, almost breaking his knee caps! He yelled so loud that I everyone around thought he was having some kind of attack. He tried to gently push her seat up with his legs but she wouldn’t budge. Finally she relented slightly. Next came dinner – or should I say the economy version of what they called dinner. It made the snack bar look like a 5 star restaurant. The only redeeming feature of dinner was the 2 free glasses of cheap wine. Now, time for some sleep. However, I couldn’t get comfortable and a baby was screaming its head off! So, I watched a couple of movies, did some crosswords and prayed that I would pass out from sheer exhaustion!
We got up early the day of the trip - Dave had to make the rounds at the office and drop the car off. We both wanted to be at the very unpredictable LAX early to check luggage, get through security and have a bite of lunch. Lo and behold we are on the airside of the terminal in an hour! A miracle at International. Next stop – find food and drink. We start the journey to our gate knowing that there would be plenty of options, afterall, domestic terminals are full of restaurants airside and knowing how long some of the International flight layovers can be, we were sure there would be options. WRONG!!!! There was only one “snack bar” – and I use that term loosely. But, it was that or a bag of Chex Mix in my purse. So, $50 later (seriously) we had consumed one halfway decent ham sandwich, one bad chef salad and a glass of wine each. I kid you not! We were raped! But we had something in our stomach. Next stop – it’s time to fly. I booked us on Lufthansa because the price was right and we could fly directly to Frankfurt, then on to Lisbon, avoiding changing planes at JFK or Newark. I found out after I booked the tickets that the fare class was not upgradeable due to the low cost. No big deal – we’ve flown coach to Europe before. So we boarded, passed through Business class, me looking longingly at the big seats that would fold back into recliners for the night’s rest. We got to our seats and big surprise – the seats and leg room were so minimal that even I was thinking “oh shit, 10 hours….”. I thought Dave was going to cry but he’s a real trooper. That is until we took off and the rather large woman in front of Dave suddenly reclined her seat all the way back, almost breaking his knee caps! He yelled so loud that I everyone around thought he was having some kind of attack. He tried to gently push her seat up with his legs but she wouldn’t budge. Finally she relented slightly. Next came dinner – or should I say the economy version of what they called dinner. It made the snack bar look like a 5 star restaurant. The only redeeming feature of dinner was the 2 free glasses of cheap wine. Now, time for some sleep. However, I couldn’t get comfortable and a baby was screaming its head off! So, I watched a couple of movies, did some crosswords and prayed that I would pass out from sheer exhaustion!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Life Lessons
I read a great article this past Sunday written by a son (Harlan Coben) as a tribute to his father. I was in tears by the end - good tears. But the best part was this...."Unfortunately, the great insights are often the great cliches: Life goes by fast, don't waste a moment, tell the ones you love how you feel, show affection every chance you get - because I would give anything to kiss that cheek just one more time".
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Golf Tourney continued...
oh...the best was half way through the other team couldn't remember whether they were keeping our score correctly!
Cancer Bene Golf Tourney
Well....how can I put this...it started out well...HOWEVER!!!!!!!! The men in the "A" group (and i use that "A" term loosely) started at 7:50...the point was to have everyone start at 8:00 but apparently they could not follow directions. SHOCKER!!!! We got paired with 2 women around 60ish. One was really good, one was not. Good thing because my evil, incompetent twin showed up! I was totally convinced they were lesbians (not that I care - I'm not in the market for a new girlfriend...LOL!!!) but they are just good friends. Anyway..I digress...Hole #1 (which was the par 5 dog leg) opponent 1 (OP1) makes a really bad shot, OP2 makes a great shot. I do my usual first hole, can't calm down shit but still decent. Me, having never played in a tourney, picks up OP1 ball because it was not good...just to be nice. BIG MISTAKE!!!!! But what do I know. Other than hitting like CRAP!!!! my next mistake was putting out of turn...because my head is in my game, not best ball. Self centered says "what"?
To put it in perspective, I could be sitting on a non-productive conference call, waiting in an airport hoping to make my Friday night flight home, or building project plans that will not be properly executed.
So...was it my best day, no...but not my worst.
To put it in perspective, I could be sitting on a non-productive conference call, waiting in an airport hoping to make my Friday night flight home, or building project plans that will not be properly executed.
So...was it my best day, no...but not my worst.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Santa Barbara
We spent the day in Santa Barbara yesterday. It was beautiful! Dave runs a sales contest every spring for a day trip for the sales people. The good thing is that we meet the bus, say hello and then everyone is off on their own for the day.
Days like yesterday make me wish that Dave was semi-retired. I'm not sure I'm ready for "full retirement" I've worked hard to carve out some interests of my own and I'm not quite ready to have to re-adjust my schedule.....I know...we can't always have it the way we want it all of the time! I certainly don't want to give up going to the gym or golf - neither of which he has any interest in. I think the ultimate transition may be a negotiation....Dave has no hobbies or friends. I certainly understand because when you work the hours he does you're too exhausted - physically and mentally - for much else on the weekends. I've already mentioned that as much as it will be great to have more time together, we will still need to retain our individuality.....he just looked at me like "what?". I guess the changes and challenges make it interesting! The beat goes on!
Sorry no pics yesterday...I was enjoying myself too much to take the camera out!
Days like yesterday make me wish that Dave was semi-retired. I'm not sure I'm ready for "full retirement" I've worked hard to carve out some interests of my own and I'm not quite ready to have to re-adjust my schedule.....I know...we can't always have it the way we want it all of the time! I certainly don't want to give up going to the gym or golf - neither of which he has any interest in. I think the ultimate transition may be a negotiation....Dave has no hobbies or friends. I certainly understand because when you work the hours he does you're too exhausted - physically and mentally - for much else on the weekends. I've already mentioned that as much as it will be great to have more time together, we will still need to retain our individuality.....he just looked at me like "what?". I guess the changes and challenges make it interesting! The beat goes on!
Sorry no pics yesterday...I was enjoying myself too much to take the camera out!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
I was looking at old pictures the other day..."back in the day" when I was in my mid twenties. Now I look at those pics and think, "I was pretty hot"! The sad thing is, I thought I was fat. Thanks to our cultural obsession with weight and being stick thin! I hated wearing a bathing suit in public, never looked in a mirror and when I did, focused on flaws instead of assets. At 108-110 lbs then, with barely any body fat and rock hard abs, I had nothing to be disappointed about! Well, this summer, the bikini is coming out! Because at 125 lbs I'm still pretty happy with me and I don't want to waste a minute. When I'm 80, I don't want to look at pictures of me today and wonder why I was so hard on myself and didn't appreciate the time for what it was.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Seasons of Friendship
I've been thinking a lot lately about a poem regarding people coming into your life for a reason, season, forever, or in and out throughout time.
I have a very long term friendship that seems to be sadly fading into the past. I'm really not sure why. True, our lives are very different now - different goals, experiences, interests. But to me that enhances the friendship. The longevity and loyalty builds an ability to accept, support and understand. I don't believe that relationships are always 50/50. Sometimes one has to work harder or be the stronger support. I think this applies to any relationship. I've worked very hard on this relationship. I don't mind that, but I've reached a point where it's enough for now. So now I am evaluating what this relationship is adding to my life. Sometimes my husband will be in the room while I'm talking to this person and afterwards he'll comment on how on-sided the conversation was - my part was "uh huh, uh huh, oh really". He's not being mean, he just cares about me. And maybe stepping back will allow me the space to make new friends or become a better friend to others.
I also know that no matter how busy we are we make time for what or who is important to us.
So for now, I've decided to take a break and just see where it goes.
I have a very long term friendship that seems to be sadly fading into the past. I'm really not sure why. True, our lives are very different now - different goals, experiences, interests. But to me that enhances the friendship. The longevity and loyalty builds an ability to accept, support and understand. I don't believe that relationships are always 50/50. Sometimes one has to work harder or be the stronger support. I think this applies to any relationship. I've worked very hard on this relationship. I don't mind that, but I've reached a point where it's enough for now. So now I am evaluating what this relationship is adding to my life. Sometimes my husband will be in the room while I'm talking to this person and afterwards he'll comment on how on-sided the conversation was - my part was "uh huh, uh huh, oh really". He's not being mean, he just cares about me. And maybe stepping back will allow me the space to make new friends or become a better friend to others.
I also know that no matter how busy we are we make time for what or who is important to us.
So for now, I've decided to take a break and just see where it goes.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Changing Paths
Life throws us many turns and twists along the way, sometimes a whole new direction. Part of our responsibility is to "figure it out", take on the new challenges and keep going...until the next twist or turn.
Five years ago my path completely changed. My first husband had died unexpectedly, a career that I had loved and, in hindsight, devoted way too many hours to was no longer meaningful to me, the future that I had spent 20 years envisioning was no more and a home that we had lovingly built together became a cold, sad structure. I was lost in the woods and had no idea which way to go next.
Then I met a wonderful man. Suddenly I had a new path. As uncertain as it felt, I knew instinctively that it was the right path. Dave and I got married and he has been the most wonderful, caring husband. I have been truly blessed. Most of the new path has been wonderful. I have time to cook, learn to play better golf, teach myself Photoshop - many things that I never had time for when I was traveling for work and putting in 60-80 hours a week. I did have to move to LA. That move has been one of the hardest - maybe it's just because I'm getting older. And I'm a type A goal oriented person. Getting my whites "whiter" just doesn't cut it in the new goal department. My new path is challenging, exciting, frustrating at times, I'm still looking for my next passion, but I am happy to be on this path with Dave. Change can be scary, hard, exciting, adventurous - and many other things. But I did it. I'm sure there will be many more down the road and I know I can do it.
Five years ago my path completely changed. My first husband had died unexpectedly, a career that I had loved and, in hindsight, devoted way too many hours to was no longer meaningful to me, the future that I had spent 20 years envisioning was no more and a home that we had lovingly built together became a cold, sad structure. I was lost in the woods and had no idea which way to go next.
Then I met a wonderful man. Suddenly I had a new path. As uncertain as it felt, I knew instinctively that it was the right path. Dave and I got married and he has been the most wonderful, caring husband. I have been truly blessed. Most of the new path has been wonderful. I have time to cook, learn to play better golf, teach myself Photoshop - many things that I never had time for when I was traveling for work and putting in 60-80 hours a week. I did have to move to LA. That move has been one of the hardest - maybe it's just because I'm getting older. And I'm a type A goal oriented person. Getting my whites "whiter" just doesn't cut it in the new goal department. My new path is challenging, exciting, frustrating at times, I'm still looking for my next passion, but I am happy to be on this path with Dave. Change can be scary, hard, exciting, adventurous - and many other things. But I did it. I'm sure there will be many more down the road and I know I can do it.
Why a Blog?
I've been thinking about writing a blog for a couple of years...but always put it off. Lately a couple of friends have started blogs for various reasons and I'm finding them to be useful, entertaining, sort of fun, a great archive of your life and..cheap therapy! So - here goes, be patient as I learn this new way to communicate. I hope you stop by often and share your experiences and perspectives.
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