Are You Grown Up Enough To Have A Political Discussion?

Are you grown up enough to have a political discussion without getting into an argument, pissed or ending relationships?  Can you agree to disagree?


Dave has always gone to a certain coffee shop on Thursday mornings before his Oakdale sales meeting.  There is a group of mature men that sit at a table next to his and talk.  But recently, the person that joins Dave in the morning was offended by the political commentary from the other group and now they are going to Denny's.  Sad...

The reason I'm bringing this up is I believe a fundamental right in this country is that of speech and expression of opinion.  I don't have to agree or like what is said.  I certainly am offended by certain words used to describe people but I am also respectful of the rights that our founding fathers agreed upon in governing this country.

The recent legislation regarding illegal aliens and health care will dictate our next direction.  The election is hinging on how the country reacts.  And, as the baby boomers are reaching critical mass and living longer, these decisions are critical. My hope is, that as adults, intelligent people, people concerned for our future, we can discuss, discern and learn from other opinions.  Not be divisive because our future is in our hands. The time to come together is now.  Inclusive but by the established rules.

But to do this, we must be able to have discourse, not disagreement. 

Take a Risk

How often have you taken a risk in a relationship?  Especially a long term relationship where you have established patterns, habits and conversations.  What happens when all of a sudden you change the rules?  And what happens when you say I don't want to be sitting across the breakfast table in 20 years and talk about meaningless, day to day stuff all of the time...not to say that isn't great but I want more.  What happens when you say to your partner that you want to know each other on a deeper and more meaningful level?

So I took a risk this week.  It's been emotionally exhausting but I decided it was time to soar or fall.  However it came out, I would figure it out.  To talk about your hopes, fears, insecurities - especially as a woman who is aging in a society that values youth in a woman is extremely an vulnerable and revealing position.  It seems like we're always running to keep up with a competition we cannot possibly win. The one "gap" in our relationship is that I would never talk about my first marriage.  To me, that was being disloyal.  And, to my friends who know me, I am fiercely loyal.  As Dave said, he knows about my whole life, except 20 years...from 21-41 which I refused to talk about.  But, the trust, shift, whatever you want to call it happened.

This experience has been so enriching in our relationship and life.  To have my husband look at me at 48 years old and tell me that I have never been more beautiful and he has never been happier is a gift and I have never been more in love.  That is a blessing.

Take the risk...sometimes it's worth it.

What I Will Miss

Nora Ephron died yesterday.  She was a frank, funny, intelligent talent - not afraid to speak what we think but don't say.  She wrote a column entitled "What I Will Miss".  That caused me to pause and think about what I will miss.  Why?  Because I think it is, at times, important to pause and reflect.  We get so busy in the day to day stuff that we don't take the time to be present in the moment and enjoy what is at hand - until it's gone - just a memory or photo.

So....what I will miss, more importantly, what I want to remind myself to enjoy.

My wonderful husband
Zoe cat walking all over me in the morning
A beautiful sunrise
The ocean and walking forever on the beach
Almost daily conversations with my sister
A great meal outdoors with wonderful friends
A great glass (or 2) of Pinot
A beautiful, colorful new dress
Music
A book that you cannot put down
Driving a golf ball out into the air that just goes forever
Making a 20 yard putt
Doug's tuna sandwiches at the 6th hole
Farmers markets
Getting on the scale with one eye closed and seeing a good number
Fresh flowers
Cooking a great, inventive meal
Traveling to new places, and back to a few favorites
A movie that moves you to tears
A great pair of shoes
And many more I can't think of right now

At the end of the day, the simple joys are the most important.

"The Time Is Now"

Saw this in the Sunday paper and loved it! The author is unknown.

"If you are ever going to love me,
  Love me now, while I can know
  The sweet and tender feelings
  Which from true affection flow.

   Love me now.
   Do not wait until I'm gone
   And then have it chiseled in marble,
   Sweet words on ice cold stone.
   If you have tender thoughts of me
   Please tell me now.
   If you wait until I am sleeping
   Never to awaken,
   There will be death between us
   And I won't hear you then.
   So, if you love me, even a little bit,
   Let me know it while I am living
   So I can treasure it."

RMR

Seven years ago today I had to make the most agonizing decision of a lifetime, turning off life support to my husband.  I stretched it out to the last minute but finally the time came at 11:00pm. 

Bob and I were together for 20 years.  He brought joy, laughter, tears, heartache and everything in between.

I have been blessed with a wonderful life since then but I will always treasure the time we had together.

My Sister

I've been wanting to take the time all week to write about my sister, Teresa.  We are not related by blood, we are, like many families, put together through circumstances.

We shared a bedroom growing up...I remember when she first came to live with us how pissed off I was that I was giving up MY room.  She wanted to paint the walls pink, I wanted to paint the walls mint green....I think we settled on some sort of cream/off white.  I sat up all night reading, she wanted the lights off (so I sat in the closet with a flashlight and called into NPR on my Princess dial phone to express my 10 years of age opinion on Richard Nixon).  She had a total different set of friends, goals, life expectancies.  We played practical jokes on each other...I tied her foot to the bed one night and she couldn't figure out why she couldn't get out of bed to go to the bathroom. She poured ketchup in my shirt drawer 2 layers deep.  She and my brothers threw firecrackers at me and a date from the roof...I think it was her idea! :) 

But, for the last several years, we talk almost everyday, usually an hour or so.  And it is a wonderful part of the day.  If you had asked me 30 years ago if we would be able to talk every day as we do I would have said "No, we have nothing in common".  She has been my friend, rock, confident and at the worst time of my life, my protector.

I love you and thank you for everything you are to all of us in our family and extended family.