Thursday, April 3, 2014
Adoption journey and discovery...continued
These past few months have seemed like an archeological dig! And the gamut of emotions - HUGE! Happy, confused, sad, disappointed in some. I must admit, I spent most of yesterday's afternoon in tears trying to understand a person's rejection. I've made it abundantly clear that I am only seeking answers, I don't need anything. I am a sensitive, caring and kind soul, but I am also very pragmatic. So, at some point, after I had cried it out, it was time to let it go.
I think I had to be at this point in my life, my experiences and maturity level to be able to take all of this in. Although I have been researching and searching since I was probably 15, I think you have to have a bit of maturity under your belt to handle the reality. Expectations vs. reality ....sometimes hard to accept. And for me, I have a habit of working hard to make things the way I want them to be. It was an incredibly brave step out on my part, to open my heart and expectations, make myself incredibly vulnerable to whatever may result. When you undertake this journey, you have to be prepared for any and all reactions. It took a great deal of courage to pick up the phone and make a "cold call" and introduce myself. I had absolutely no idea what anyone knew or what their families knew. That's just one of the risks. Do the children or spouses know? If not, what is the conversation that must occur? Why has it been a secret for so long? But, I put on my "big girl panties" and a dash of bravery, picked up the phone and introduced myself. How do you start the conversation? I was simple, ""My name is Lisa and I think you may be my biological mother". ""My name is Lisa and I think your brother may have been my biological father". Prepared for the worst, hoping for ...maybe not the best but somewhere in between. It's hard to put into words, but although I had wonderful, loving parents, there is always an underlying sense of rejection. I had to be prepared to to experience another rejection at this point in my life. Fortunately, I have a loving husband, a best friend and a best sister friend. My support group was in place!
I have no idea where this is going to go. As I've shared with a few, I have no roadmap for this journey! I want to continue to get to know bio mom and bio dad's family but I also want to be respectful of how everyone accepts and processes this new information and the comfort level each has. Maybe it will be "ok, question answered, bye", maybe it will be "we want to know you and have you know more". Either way, as I have said before, I made a leap of faith, I was courageous and brave and willing to open my heart to the possibilities.
I waited to pursue this in earnest until Mom had passed because every time I brought it up she got upset. I always told her that I wasn't looking for a new mother, I was looking for myself. But that was too hard for her to understand. So out of love, gratitude and respect...not to mention the extremely complex relationship we had, I waited,
Both sides have been accepting, excited to know the answers to their questions. I'm grateful and thankful! God has spread his fairy dust on me, once again!
I think I had to be at this point in my life, my experiences and maturity level to be able to take all of this in. Although I have been researching and searching since I was probably 15, I think you have to have a bit of maturity under your belt to handle the reality. Expectations vs. reality ....sometimes hard to accept. And for me, I have a habit of working hard to make things the way I want them to be. It was an incredibly brave step out on my part, to open my heart and expectations, make myself incredibly vulnerable to whatever may result. When you undertake this journey, you have to be prepared for any and all reactions. It took a great deal of courage to pick up the phone and make a "cold call" and introduce myself. I had absolutely no idea what anyone knew or what their families knew. That's just one of the risks. Do the children or spouses know? If not, what is the conversation that must occur? Why has it been a secret for so long? But, I put on my "big girl panties" and a dash of bravery, picked up the phone and introduced myself. How do you start the conversation? I was simple, ""My name is Lisa and I think you may be my biological mother". ""My name is Lisa and I think your brother may have been my biological father". Prepared for the worst, hoping for ...maybe not the best but somewhere in between. It's hard to put into words, but although I had wonderful, loving parents, there is always an underlying sense of rejection. I had to be prepared to to experience another rejection at this point in my life. Fortunately, I have a loving husband, a best friend and a best sister friend. My support group was in place!
I have no idea where this is going to go. As I've shared with a few, I have no roadmap for this journey! I want to continue to get to know bio mom and bio dad's family but I also want to be respectful of how everyone accepts and processes this new information and the comfort level each has. Maybe it will be "ok, question answered, bye", maybe it will be "we want to know you and have you know more". Either way, as I have said before, I made a leap of faith, I was courageous and brave and willing to open my heart to the possibilities.
I waited to pursue this in earnest until Mom had passed because every time I brought it up she got upset. I always told her that I wasn't looking for a new mother, I was looking for myself. But that was too hard for her to understand. So out of love, gratitude and respect...not to mention the extremely complex relationship we had, I waited,
Both sides have been accepting, excited to know the answers to their questions. I'm grateful and thankful! God has spread his fairy dust on me, once again!
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